If a rolling stone gathers no moss, then moving forward is the momentum of life day after day.
What is moss? Knowledge? Accumulated experience? Everyone else’s gunk stuck onto me — or the stone — or is it life’s many burdens? I sit and wonder: Who the hell am I and what the hell am I doing in this lifetime.
Enter: Second Saturn Return as in the entry point to Cronehood. Between ages 58-61.
When we change hats, perspectives, jobs, title, partners, houses, countries, perceptions we get to ask, Who the hell are we anyway? Better to ask this of ourself first, become the expert on our self, rather to be asked by someone else and not know who we are in any given moment in time. STOP. PAUSE. LISTEN. RECEIVE. The red light district.
When we become a deep dive study of ourselves, motivations, desires, relationships, integrity, perceptions, choices, connections, representations, wisdoms, contracts, boundaries, self honor etc, we then begin to first know ourselves. Then we are more able to see how we are the overlapped pieces of all venn diagrams we intersect with- whether people, places or things-on Earth or on the quantum physical field we are all plugged into…the invisible forces of subconscious global consciousness.
Fifty nine years old is not hugely old, but it is potent in terms of putting time into living on a planet with others doing the exact same thing. How we do it, may separate us, but people are people, no matter the culture: Who the hell are you anyway? This cronehood is an invitation to use the wisdoms we have already garnered and then to creatively leverage them so they can be a pioneered winning ticket toward happiness, contentment as well as a reversed-engineered doorway to a sweet passing away, when it arrives in that elegantly timely way. We can live and leave an unburdened life as we can presently reconfigure all the heretofore misrepresentations of illusory thought patterns of those once big things in life we thought went awry– but now we reuse them to our advantage. That is Divine Wisdom. Others call it your Personal Brand.
Being on brand is being you, the seen, excavated dug deep you. Everywhere with how you conduct yourself here and there, with who and when and why and where. You are the expert on you, so wear you, know you and forever be at peace with the unburdened you. Stay in the action of seeking you. The No Moss zone.
We will all get there. That is why sayings like: A Wise Old Man said, or A wise old woman once said, or … as the story goes. We tap into ancient, basic, universal and timeless wisdoms. Wisdom is never really attributed to the youth, except for a new babe who just arrived, owls and older humans who have used their life as a vessel to understand the deeper meaning of what seemed like superficial meanderings living through our everyday.
I was told by the Buddhist monks to Keep the bowl empty. Non-attachment. I was told that We are the company we keep. So keep great company. Rajanaka Tantra philosophy. I was told, You are always searching. Parental Interpretations. I was told to create strong boundaries so freedom can ensue much like good fences make good neighbors- Thomas Jefferson wannabe. However we slice it, we are all affected by our interpretation of who the hell are we anyway? Or, more poignant, who the hell do we think we are? Either way it is a way in.
I thought I was here to do a job, get a title, be a teacher, get my Master’s, help my students become all they are capable of becoming, do reports and then take all those skills and be a mama to my three bequeathed jewels of glistening gems. This preparatory work translated itself into me doing the exact same thing with the nouveau riche adults who once bowed to the jewelry store guru in one of the wealthiest suburbs of NYC, but now they wanted to know who the hell they were, sans the jewelry, the cars, the country clubs, the nannies, the vacations in Europe and expense accounts…and even without their spouses, children and family.
This was my territory, my domain. I could be the tour guide right back to their heart. They were the reflection of the late bloomer they speak of in a second Saturn Return, guided by time honored wisdoms as they received their deepest internal landscaped meanings on the field trip to find truth. Their lost & found sense of theirauthentic self inclusive of their inner workings like fancy watches. When any of us lose our connection to our own self, life feels empty, pointless, old, boring, uninspired, anxiety producing, depressing and plain old not-good-enough-nesspours in. Then we can be oh-so-creative to believe the thoughts of sabotage to discourage us on the path of knowing ourself. Becoming the virtuoso of our own virtuosity has never been so far off.
Then the yoga world explodes, health food stores, alternative learning centers pop up and personal development companies took over the space for self-inquiry like weeds on a hot summer, humid day. It became a new business.
Enter places like Coach U, fifteen years ago, or the blood-sister run Handel Group leading the pack and many others who saw a hole in our evolution in the 2000’s as conscious beings with purpose to live life fully. An alternative to psychotherapy. Moved yoga over and refined it. The question: Who the hell are you? kept popping up-whether in the newly offered vegetarian cooking class at Adult ed, or the How to Be A Mommy class at the church or recreation center, or in joint-marriage counseling, or a gay woman or man feeling something and then wanting to come out, or on the golf course with the golf pro expecting something of you, you may had been uncomfortable with. Point is Who the hell are You.
W H O. T H E. H E L L. A R E. Y O U?
It is a huge query. When we listen, we will understand.— as my 6’11 Buddhist paraplegic psychiatrist friend often touted before he consciously witnessed his own demise. It is an on-going conversation asked from different vantage points of our soul, our being and the physical manifestation of our being. Each new breath urges us to go deeper, find meaning in the now and empty what is not present to seize the beauty of the blessing of the next unfolding moment.
Tremble with insecurity. We all do. Honor the fact that we ought to know that we don’t know and make a conscious career out of that. Accept things as they are or architect change with how you respond. Know you are power.
Honor the algorithm that you are one in four hundred trillion chances of being you.
Isn’t it worth finding out how or why you are the you, you are and once done, Rock that Mother F#@ker out of the park!
“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”
– Anne Lamott
Countless experiences, formal and informal classes to gather knowledge and information on how to live a full life, a happy life and a life that keeps returning the soul we long to tap into that is eternally present in the beginning, the middle and the end of life. Find You. Ask:
Who The Hell Are You Anyway?
I say you are a brilliant beacon shimmering and shining for those who can see them in your reflection. Look for that in others. And connect. There is no one like you. No one is you. Shine.